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Great, today is Tuesday again, it is my favourite day because I go to adore the Blessed Sacrament in my Church. It is a beautiful place where I can see Jesus's presence in the tabernacle. I can also bear all my sorrow to our Lord which I sometimes cannot say and is deep in my heart. I pray that God will keep my family together till death we part.

Praise and adore God.

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Today is again Tuesday, which I usually visit the Blessed Sacrament in our Church of Saint Francis Xaxier. I am very glad that God, give me a chance to visit our Lord in the Blessed Sacrament. I always feel very peaceful after each visit. Whenever, I visit the Blessed Sacrament I always thank and adore God. I have not attended the Bible study class for quite some time and today is the class study at 8pm. Do not know where to go or not to go because I sometimes feel very left out in the class study because I do not know most of those attending, I know only a handful of those attending. I have learned to be prayful to God in my daily prayer. Pray for things that are given to me by God. Pray that my daughter and her godly boyfriend to be prayful too to God. Pray for my husband's health and strength to do his business well. Nowaday, I dont seem to complain so much in my blog site, because I am not so resentful towards things around, I will accept the things around me to be peaceful.

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These few days seems to be very quiet because I am too tried to speak to any one of my family members. What I have wanted to speak is blogged upon to this blog site. That is one advantage that I can put all my thoughts in this blog site and all thoughts are off my chest, so there is not so much of complaints in my life.

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I cannot think of any more titles to give my postings. I just beginning to realise that all that happened seem to between my husband and me. I love and trust God only, but cannot understand why it is so hard to love thy neighbours, because these are real people and some times they are not sincere and put on a false front. A very good example is my husband, he can be very nice one moment and nasty another moment. How can I put my trust in them. God, I am at a crossroad, to leave or not to leave him after all these twenty over years. My daughter has grown up and will live her own life as she is already 20 years old, old enough to take charge of her own life. So there is no more worries about her even if I divorce my husband.
Sometime, I just want to give up everything and tell him to give me back half of the money paid for our apartment and with the money I will get another government apt and live by myself. Just like what my daughter use to tell me to do after she realise how the father treats me.
As I am dependent on my husband because he is bring in the bacon. Can I manage on my own? God please help to decide on this issue which I have always have it covered up under the carpet. I have take my marriage vow very serious because I was married in Church and always remember the phase will death we part.
To me divorce is a bad reputation and the Church does not allow only under certain circumstances. (for example if the husband beats the wife) for my case, I dont know how to describe our relationship (hatred/love). He always likes to go out in the night with his friends and since I am not so sociable and he always leave me at home. I feel lonely at time, last nite, I was not able to sleep, and drank the can of beer and had a bad feeling (I do not drink beer at all, since I cant stop them I might as well join them). With all this loneliness, I sometimes, I tell my daughter that it is better to be loved than to love someone.
Sometimes, I ask God why not give me money so that I can be self sufficient and stand on my own two feet, or let me have cancer and die within 6 months or less so that I can meet him in heaven and lastly take my husband away from me. I am still waiting for a answer from God.
I have known couples married for many years and they still breakup once the children had grown up. (it seems the most common). As for my case, I know that my husband loves my daughter more than me therefore, he will surely take care of her. As I have said before, I feel most comfortable without my husband around because I am use to not having him around most of our married life.
I am still waiting for God guidance in this issue. God, I turn to you for help.
Oh, feel so much better after pen down my pain in writing. It a load off me.

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Today is Monday, still alive and living comfortably with God's blessings. Thank and praise God for his blessings. Nothing much happened in the last few days. My husband have returned from his overseas trip and nothing much is being said because he thinks silence is golden. As for my daughter, she is much happy nowaday. God lead her away from all evil temptations. As for myself, I thank and be prayful to God in my daily prayers.

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Again it is Friday and my favourite past time is to buy lottery tickets for the weekend games. I do not know when I will strike big in this lottery game. It is my only other hobby besides being prayful. Maybe I will only stop once I strike big money, so do not know when the day will come or might not come at all.

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I always feeled very relief when my husband goes out station on business trip. I can do things at my own time and not be pressured by him whenever he is around. When he is around, he seems to do things his ways and not mine, when he is not around then I will do things my way and dont have to please anyone. Even with my daughter around, sometimes we do not even talk because she always says I bother her, therefore, silence is golden. I have learned to be prayful most of the time, go to church, or sometimes watch television. I am blessed that there is a Catholic church near my home. I have learned to trust and love my husband for who he is.

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Today, I again must thank God that my daughter and her friends were safe and unhurt in the last weekend's accident. In fact the car body was not damaged except for the undercarriage that was badly damaged. The total cost of repairs was estimated to be a few thousand. My husband complain a little but only he can afford to pay for the repairs. So, he has no choice but let the repairs be done. This is my daughter's third accident within less that 1 year after getting her driving license. I just hope that she will learn to drive carefully after this lesson.